In this episode, I talk about my recent realizations about my insecurities and share an additional tip I've found helpful in combatting my feelings of inadequacy, as well as returning imposter syndrome..
I would love to hear your thoughts and continue the conversation over on my Instagram. ;-)
With All My Heart,
Amaru Küng
I'd LOVE to Connect with you:
www.amarukueng.com
The Amaru Podcast (Instagram)
Amaru Küng (Instagram)
Amaru Küng (Linkedin)
In this episode, I talk about my recent realizations about my insecurities and share an additional tip I've found helpful in combatting my feelings of inadequacy, as well as returning imposter syndrome..
I would love to hear your thoughts and continue the conversation over on my Instagram. ;-)
With All My Heart,
Amaru Küng
I'd LOVE to Connect with you:
www.amarukueng.com
The Amaru Podcast (Instagram)
Amaru Küng (Instagram)
Amaru Küng (Linkedin)
Hey, welcome back to the Amaru podcast. Ah, it's me, Amaru Küng, and I'm your host of the podcast. Hey, I just have to say how grateful I am to all of you who keep listening, and we can week out, sharing feedback with me. Yeah, just last week, I was talking to a friend, and she was talking about, oh, you know how you say in your podcast? And I was like, what? You listen. So yeah, I just want to appreciate all the silent listeners who don't tell me they listen until, yeah, random conversations like the friend I'm just mentioning right now the new friend, actually, I really, really appreciate you. I would like to encourage you to stop listening from behind the covers, and hey, let me know reach out, send me a message. Let me know what speaking to you what's not speaking to you. I really want this podcast to be something that adds value to your life. So that I think that's only possible if we're in dialogue together, right? So I'm able to hear what speaking to you what's not what you'd like to hear me talk more about? What topics do you think could be cool to bring other people in on the podcast to share on you know what I mean? Hey, I'm here for it. Who, so? If you've listened, you know, the last episode was one where I had a guest. So I had Mugabi Biyanka as a guest on my last podcast episode. And that was just, that was just a really, really intense podcast, we talked about so many things. And just it's like ringing in my head. Just so many different conversations we had. I'm curious what what stood out to you. I'm looking forward to hearing from you. And yeah, and kind of unpacking some of the things we talked about. But between when I released that episode, and this episode, right now, a lot has happened. So some of the things that have happened in my life since are I really just have been created, create creative creating, I have been creating. So I more and more doors have been opening for me to create. So to create art, so to perform my music. And just last week, I was doing a couple of shoots, I was doing a video shoot on Friday. And on Tuesday, I had a photoshoot. And so I mean, last week was just super, super intense week for me creatively. And that's something that I really don't take for granted, it's been a really, really long time. Art for me, for the longest time was really just a way to survive, it was kind of, for me, a therapy, you know what I mean? And so to get to do it now in this season of my life is just such a gift. Because art is one of those things where I, I pour out as much as I get back, you know, like for, for as much as I pour, I feel like twice as much gets poured back into into me. So it's super, super fulfilling. And something that I've been reflecting a lot, especially leading up to the the concert I performed last weekend was the voices in our heads kind of the things, the things that I say to myself when I'm not listening, like kind of what is the background noise in my head. And the reason why that's something that I I was thinking about a lot last week is that it's been a long time, y'all it's been I mean, so I studied production for film and television, I have a degree in that actually have a degree in production for dramatic arts, film and television. So I'm trained. And I you know, I talked about this in previous episodes about how when I had a company with my brother many years ago, I struggled with impostor syndrome, but in that context, it was kind of cold for because I wasn't putting in as much work as he was putting into bettering his craft. So of course, I was freaking out because I I wasn't as qualified as as he was. And I wasn't doing enough about about that at the time. And so just thinking about that as the backdrop imagine now in this season of my life, having the opportunity to actually film stuff and get paid for it. And and yeah, and that's been a really, really interesting yeah, interesting because I mean, what's different in the season is I am putting the work in in this season I am in this season I am conscious about in this season, I am conscious about bettering my craft. I'm conscious about how do I do this? Well, I've grown a lot and my confidence have grown a lot and in what I believe I bring the value but I know that I'm bringing to my clients in this case, this particular project, and yet it's still in the background noise in my head, our voices from five years ago, when I did don't feel as qualified as I feel today. And the voices in my head years ago when I felt like a fraud, but years ago when I also wasn't putting as much work in as I'm putting right now. And that really got me thinking a lot about how you know. So in the earlier episodes, I talked about how impostor syndrome, sometimes, you know, we feel like a fraud, because indeed we are fraud, or sometimes we just haven't built enough experiences with ourselves, of working through the fear and performing and showing up in spite of the fear. And this last week, a new thought a new thought, was added, in my in my mind, a new addition to this conversation on impostor syndrome, and the feeling that the feeling of feeling that I'm a fraud, I realized that another thing is sometimes that is an old voice that we haven't confronted, sometimes, actually, in spite of us showing up time and time again, in spite of the fear, building experiences with ourselves that hey, actually, you know what, I am good, I can do this. And I survived this last time, I will survive it this in spite of doing that work, sometimes that voice just won't go away. And it stays there. Because it's a background noise that has kind of been saved in our in our hard drives, like in our minds as the as the as the soundtrack of our lives. The soundtrack of voices in our head telling us we're not enough voices in our head telling us, we suck versus, isn't it, no heads telling us that we're not reliable, we're not amazing. We're not talented enough. We were going to disappoint people. We just all of this mistrust, all of this judgment, all of this, harshness, all of this unkindness, sometimes those are actually just sometimes, it's not even that we haven't done the work. Sometimes it's not even that we're not showing up. It's not even that insert all of the other things you probably have been doing to combat that fear and that insecurity. Sometimes what it is, is that we have gotten so used and we've spent way too much time in our lives, playing this inner soundtrack, of negativity, of doubt, of insecurity of mistrust, of, of feeling, feeling less than so much that even when we have all of the tools to show up, and to be confident that that tape is still playing that soundtrack is on repeat. And that's something I really caught this week, because I mean, I've started a whole podcast to support my listeners to get past their own insecurities. It's something I'm really, really big on just combating I'm doing all the things I know how to do, to get past to stop fear from being the thing that stops me from walking out my purpose and going after my dreams. And yet, last week, there I was it all of a sudden, it was like, just I felt it so strong. I felt just before the show that I had to play on Saturday, all of a sudden, I felt this overwhelming feeling of just insecurity and inadequacy and a sense of like, oh my God, why did the paper write about me? I think this was a mistake. What was I thinking? This is gonna suck? Am I good enough? Oh, my gosh, all these people are coming. People are not going to be their families showing up. All of a sudden, just the nerves were like, the nerves were just rising. And it wasn't just the usual you know, I care about this. So I'm feeling a bit of I'm feeling a bit jittery before it was just like, I could feel this wave of just like, it's like that soundtrack was just being turned up and louder and louder and louder. And I had to stop myself and be like, Well, wait a minute, what is happening? Why are we here again. And something that helped me last week was so I was talking to a friend actually. So I sent him a voice. So we're just talking about so actually, I was talking to Mugabi, that the host the guests of the last episode. And I was telling him about how I yeah, I was telling him about how the show was coming up. I was prepping for it. And how I was currently like in the moment coaching myself through the imposter syndrome that I felt coming on to me. And then he sends him a voicenote tried it was just like, wasn't even the main thing I was saying I was talking to him but other things, just catching up friends, and then said, Hey, actually, you know what this is happening. I'm coaching myself through this. And then what happened next is something I will never forget. Mugabi sent me a voicemail back. So again, this was part of like, a longer conversation. So he sent me a, I wanted to say podcast, but a voice note back responding some of the stuff that asked about just sharing some stuff that was on his mind. And then in response to my insecurities that I had voiced. He just sent me this like full on like he sent me this affirmation that I mean he was just speaking his mind just like I'm gonna play it for you so you know what I'm talking about? out. And I know the imposter struggle syndrome is real, but I just like to reiterate that you deserve this concert, you've worked really, really hard to, like, get to this point as far in your career, and you've like, done like a lot of putting in a lot of work into your craft and played a lot of shows. And so this being a big one is well deserved. And you should pat yourself on the back for that I know, it's tough when you feel like you are like, in like, a fish out of water in a place that's like beyond you. But you've put in the work, and you deserve to celebrate that and to be celebrated for it. Well, Mugabi sent me this, and, Oh, my word I just I I just broke down. I just broke down. It's like listening to him. I I'm really like, I'm rising up to like, look them in the eye felt the chills said in there, he was talking about how I've put in the work. I've played many shows I deserve this. And it was just, there's something about hearing that. And it just, I think it ranks rank so loud, and just like, it cuts so deep because I could hear we recognize truth. When we hear it. I could hear the truth in what he was saying. Yes, I have worked hard. Yes, I deserve this. Even though it's just felt so awkward. Like it's something I wouldn't have said myself if he hadn't said it out loud. But he was like, hey, you've put in the work of Maura, you deserve this. And hearing him say that I just was like, Yes, I have. It's like that that inner child inside of me was just waiting for permission to admit that she deserved she deserved the acknowledgement. She deserved the she deserved the the attention to the she does she deserved all of this. And what was so interesting is that, that feeling of like I deserve this, yes, I deserve to be in the newspapers. Yes, I deserve to have to have a crowd come see me. I deserve for people to be excited to watch me. That's so counter, everything I've been taught that's so counterculture to kind of be so self, self, self self. Self sure,self confident is a bit like whoa, are you proud? You know, what is that? It kind of took me back to almost, you know, the beginning of our last episode where I said to Mugabi, hey, I'm, I'm proud, like, I'm inspired by you. And it was a bit like, Oh, I get uncomfortable. You know, it's a thing all over again, where somehow in our minds we I don't know what it is. But we it's it feels so uncomfortable to accept and acknowledge the word pure magic. And yet, we don't hesitate. We don't hesitate at all. No, I don't hesitate to acknowledge other people's magic and other people's awesomeness and to be like, Whoa, you're I mean, I'm such a cheerleader of my people. I'm such a cheerleader. In the Myers Briggs tests, the personality tests and the results by by 16 personalities.com. My personality type is actually called a cheerleader. It's called a campaigner, basically campaigner. I'm a cheerleader, it's in my DNA, literally. So I don't hold back and just purely cheerleading my people. And yet when it comes to me, it's so strange, that if I don't get it from somewhere else, if I don't get it from someone else, it just it feels so awkward to admit to myself that I'm amazing. It feels so awkward to kind of say that out loud and to stand behind it to stand by it. And so as I prepped for that show, as I listened to Mugabi's words, I made a post the budget on my Instagram, you can check it out. I just, I kind of purpose I kind of purpose internally to become a bit more vocal about that, you know, to and be like, hey, no, your time is up. We've done this for way become a bit more shameless, a bit more unopposed, Shameless, a bit more, a bit less and a bit a bit less apologetic about my talents, my gifts. And I want to challenge you to do the same. I too long. And I want to challenge you to do the same want to challenge you to revisit the voices in your head to revisit that soundtrack that's on repeat. What does it say? What are the words? What is it saying? What are the voices in your head saying? Not the ones that you consciously are creating, but the ones that when you go to bed at night, what's what's your voice saying? Like when when you have a big day? And when you have a date coming up? Like what is your default? What is the default sound track in your mind? What are the words that you're hearing? What are the words that are playing that your soul is like moving and dancing and chanting to like, what are those words? Are they are they words that that bring you up build you up? Or they are? Are they words that tear you down? Are those words that are like bringing you down or lifting you up are the words that are encouraging you and building your confidence and like affirming your dreams affirming your vision, affirming your your calling, or are they words that actually are just are causing you to, to dumb down to shrink to to hide? You know, this is this is something that I didn't realize how it's just I've never been so conscious about, like taking charge of that. But it's something that because it's so annoying. It's so annoying to me that I would it's like war, I'm raging against this voices like the ones in my head that says I'm not enough, I'm fighting them. have this beautiful opportunity. And I I've been here the thing is I've been here before, I've been here before I've been I've been at this place where, where where I had, I had had the doors in front of me I had these opportunities. And I had everything it took to show up and to like make the most of those opportunities. And instead I shrunk I freaked out. Instead I let the voices win like those voices that said, Hey, Amaru like, you're a fraud, not enough, you suck. Like, don't do that. They're gonna laugh at you, you're gonna, you're ugly, you're you're untalented, you just all have like, all of these negative things. You know, like you're not trustworthy, you're, you're you don't deserve to be here, you're a fraud. Like, this is not this is not your time, this is not your place. You don't belong here, you just all of this, like all of this cruelty. And it's a lot of work that I need to uncover more and more and understand the roots of a lot of these lies. But something that I just I, you know, I'm not going to wait till I figured it all out to talk about it. What I really want to say is I know I'm not the only one I've met people I know, someone listening to listening to this, I know all of us have our versions of this versions of voices in our head, that steal and rob us of the blessings in our lives. That robber robbed us of the opportunities, we have to just like have such great meaningful impact on the lives of other people that the tribe that we are called to serve. And so as I'm waging war against just the imposter syndrome against the lies in my head against that, that negative soundtrack that's like the backdrop to a lot of my existence, I want to I want to encourage you to join me on this journey and join me on this join yet join me on this war. And and as as, as you know, as I'm gonna keep sharing more about, about what tools I find to combat this. But one thing I want to share before I end this episode is that affirmations. So the most obvious thing I realized it's like this, this can come from other people. But I think it's so powerful to create these and to actually own them and to chant them. You know, what's so funny to me is that for a long time, I've heard of affirmations, they're not new to me, but they always felt a bit like woowoo. You know, like, I imagined like, I didn't know what they felt a bit like, you know, my affirmations It felt a bit I don't know, it's somehow felt a bit too, like, out there. For me, it felt a bit like, like New Age, something I don't know, like, like New Age, some strange, like spiritual practice, or I mean, I'm a bit embarrassed to admit this, but it just felt a bit. So out there for me for a long time. And I thought okay, yeah, that makes sense. We just felt so random. Like, why are people looking in the mirror saying, You are beautiful you are this you are that is just something that I personally for myself, didn't find the need to embrace. Until, until I had this show. Two months ago, that was like, the biggest paying gig I've had for the magnet like I got paid the most per hour for that gig than I've ever been. I've made up until this point, so far. It's not true per hour, not per hour, but I didn't even know it's at the highest I've ever got paid for music. Let's just put it that way. So that was a huge, huge, huge, huge, huge. It was a huge, huge deal for me. And so I mean, if it had been money, if been payment for anything else for coaching for it wouldn't have impacted me as much as it did. But I was being paid that much to make music for which I have this relationship in the past and a relationship of feeling like a fraud and all of these things in spite of my crazy love for music, right? So I remember leading up to that gig, I was freaking I was freaking out. And I had to kind of stop myself and be like, hey, no, we've been here before we've prepared Come on, like fear is not gonna fear is not gonna, it's not gonna steal this opportunity from us. And so I created this affirmation just before that gig and the affirmation was, I'm beautiful. I'm smart. I'm talented. I'm anointed I don't need to be like anyone. I You just need to be like me. And I would say to you as well, you are beautiful, you are smart, you are chosen, you're anointed, you don't need to be like anyone, you just need to be like you. And just saying that, to me like saying that to myself. I think that's the first time out loud, I affirmed myself, so unapologetically and so confidently, it felt and because I was doing it in my bedroom by myself, it was like, it's like chains, like a chain broke off that day, as I like, looked in the mirror and looked in the mirror and said, You are beautiful, you are smart, you are chosen, you are anointed, you don't need to be like anyone, you just need to be like queue. And just like kind of really sitting into myself and being like, No, you have everything it takes, you have everything it takes and so much more. You are the one they've been waiting for. You are chosen, you're anointed, you are gifted, you are talented. You're so equipped for this task, like you this is a walk in the park for you girl, like you just rise up and do it. And I think a big part of what it was, it was like that, that confidence that like was it a lot of it was was was just like it was it was it was it was it was it was influenced or it was I can't find the word for it. But like it came from far. It was like it was like Amaru from 2013 was a crying out to future a Amaru being like, Hey, don't make the same mistake we made. You are worthy. You deserve this. You can do this. It was like a Amaru of 2022 Amaru whose a mama now a Mario with a little one with little sunshine, whom I freaking want to inherit the world like I want him to know he can do anything he puts his mind to like the just like this, Amar, that's a mama right now the Amara that wants to model out to her sunshine, that he can do anything but he better not ever shrink or turn down for nobody because he is worthy. There was something about like that it just came from far it came from deep. And that was so powerful. For me that was so so powerful me. So, so powerful. For me, it's something that I desire for you. I desire that when fear starts to creep into your feet, that you have this strong, strong, strong, strong sense that comes from deep inside that says, No, I am beautiful, I am smart. I am chosen, I'm anointed, I'm talented. I don't need to be like anyone, I just need to be like me. You know, I just because you are you are smart, you are beautiful. You are chosen, you're anointed, you know, being anointed is like, like, way back when kings were anointed, like, like the special oil flowing down your head, like you are special. You're the chosen one you for, for the calling for the calling in your life, for the purpose on your heart, for the dreams that you feel in your soul for that thing in your heart that says hey, like, you are special, you you there's something about you, You're gonna do great things. Like that voice is valid, those dreams are valid, and you are equipped to pull that off, you're equipped to build that dream. And just like I really, really desire for you to I really desire for you to, to believe that for you to know that for you to walk with that sense of assurance. Because I have to tell you, there's nothing more heartbreaking than watching crazy talented people shrink. Watching people walk down the street with their head, looking down, watching people hide. There's nothing more heartbreaking to me than witnessing that than seeing that. And what's so sad is that I've been that person that I can so easily become that person you know. And so I have to I have to like it's something I just can't I just can't like be I just can't be be be unintentional about it. I have to like I'm waging war against fear. And that's what we're going to be doing. So podcast episodes moving forward, I just kind of want to get a bit more aggressive with how do we how do we deal with this impostor syndrome? How do we deal with a fear? How do we deal with insecurities? How do we deal with this obstacles that are getting in the way of who we know we are called to be? Because the truth is we don't have forever The truth is, I don't know. I don't know how much longer I'm gonna live it and how much longer you're gonna live. I don't know how much time we have here. But I know that we're here for a reason. And I want to make it count. I want to make it count. So hey, I don't know how long I've spoken for I just, I just I just really had to freestyle. There's a bit more today even more than usual. And I believe in you I believe I believe in your I believe in your calling. I believe in the dreams on your heart. I believe Even your talents I believe in I believe in you I believe in I believe in you. I just want to say I believe in you and I hope that you do too. And so Hey, thank you so much for listening to this episode. I would love to hear from you. I would love to hear what spoke to you what resonated What do you struggle with? What do you struggle with? What what do you not struggle with? Like what what solutions what what hacks what tools have you found that you use to cope with with that fear that doubt that insecurity please share I would love to hear from you over on my instagram @amarukueng again it's linked in the description let me know reach out I really really would love to hear from you. And it would mean the entire world to me. If you took just a second literally it will take you seconds in time just if this is speaking to you at all if you think this would add value to anybody else please just take a second rate review follow this follow this podcast wherever you're listening to it just a follow it subscribe whatever the options are another another titles keep changing now but just like follow this so you know about the next episode. And I want to encourage you as well just to to share this with somebody else if you feel like they would get value from this if somebody else in your life that you feel like is shrinking somebody else that's not conscious yet about those voices in their head. Hey, share this podcast with them. Let's start a revolution like fear be gone. We're not doing this. We're not that's so 2000 and late, you know what I mean? Like that was that was so 2000 and late like in this new age. In this season. Fear is not stopping us. Hey, my love's until next time with all of my heart, Amaru Küng.