Ever expected a certain reaction from someone and felt disappointed when it didn't happen? That's what we're delving into on this episode of The Amaru Podcast.
This episode is a deep-dive into the dynamics of how expectations from others can impact our emotional state and often lead to unhappiness.
Opening up about my vulnerabilities, I discuss my experiences of feeling let down and even sad when things didn't play out as I had envisioned. But here's the catch: we can't control how others act, feel, or respond. I am still learning to let go of expectations, to be more open-minded, and most importantly, to understand that my happiness should not hinge on them. Join me in this episode as I explore the emotional landscape of expectations and how by reassessing their role, we can reclaim our happiness.
My name is A M A to the R? U. A Welcome to the Amaru Podcast. A Welcome back to this beautiful podcast. My name is Amaru Kung and I am the host of this podcast.
Amaru :
And you know what? Today I want to continue the conversation on Thieves of our Happiness with what comes up as number 3 on my list, and this one shows up a lot in my relationships. I think my husband would testify to this one. So one thing that time and time again steals me like robs me of my happiness and steals joy from my life, is setting expectations around how other people should act, behave or respond to things. I don't know if you've experienced this before.
Amaru :
So you get somebody a gift and you have this movie in your mind about how they're going to open it. They're going to scream or they're going to have a certain reaction. Then they're going to look at you a certain way, they're going to say certain words to you. Their mood is going to be instantly lifted up, they're going to jump, they're going to hug you, they're going to kiss you, they're going to be so grateful for you in their lives, or they're going to say something, or maybe this one rings more of a bell. So it's a very special day in your life, maybe even your birthday, and you expect somebody in your life or certain people in your life to do something specific. So you're expecting a gift, you're expecting a party, you're expecting a special celebration that goes a specific type of way, insert whatever expectations you have, and so that's kind of like the image you've built up in your mind, right, the day comes and the response you get is different. Said person, said friend, said family member, does something completely different and all of a sudden you can feel it. You feel that just that wave of disappointment Need I say even sadness that just starts to come over you because an expectation that you set was not met. Oh, I cannot tell you how many times I've experienced I still experienced this and how I'm really really trying to like learn to not set expectations specifically around things that are beyond my control, especially when these expectations are so important to me and when I place these expectations at a place where, like, they can control how I feel or not I've had this. I'm honestly like we get into certain arguments sometimes and I can hear my husband say I see you already, like you had an expectation of how this should go right. And you know what? Yes, I did, and that's exactly and precisely why I am suddenly disappointed, because the movie in my mind ends differently.
Amaru :
In the scripts that I've very, very, very carefully crafted, at this point something else is supposed to happen, not whatever. This is that's happening right now, and so I don't know if this is a creative thing, I don't know if it's just creatives who are like this, but you know, I typically have ideas. I tend to have a sense of what I want, how I want it to play out, and then really desire to control the outcome and have things go a certain way often and I'm finding time and time again, especially in my relationships, that this is one cause of just unhappiness, like whenever I hold on so tight to my personal expectations and the scripts that I have now created in my mind of how I expect something to unfold. That's typically when I just am unable to really enjoy the moment as much as I would have enjoyed it if I had just been a little more open-minded to how it might play out. And so, yeah, that's it for today.
Amaru :
I just really, really wanted to share this one because I'm so guilty of it. It's something I'm still figuring out. It's something I'm still navigating and finding my way around, especially in relationships, especially in my most precious relationships. I'm learning and finding and finding that for me to just enjoy it more, even with my sunshine, even with my baby boy, I'm really, really trying to be more conscious about not having expectations around how he's gonna act when he wakes up. You know, when I have this, just I mean, oh my goodness, I could just talk of so many examples of this.
Amaru :
But one thing I'm learning, needless to say, we really cannot control how other people act, how they feel, how they respond, and so the sooner we just take away that responsibility from ourselves, like to control the way other people will respond or act, the sooner we let go of expectations and let go of especially the role that those expectations play, like if it's super important, like if my day's only gonna be great, if insert expectation of another person, you know, then of course that's just placing my happiness in very, very, very, very shaky hands.
Amaru :
And so learn a lesson Don't be like me on the days when I do this and don't set expectations on other people and especially, make those expectations paramount and important to whether or not you're gonna have a good day, or gonna be happy, because most likely you know it's gonna pan out differently, and yeah, then maybe that will leave you feeling unhappy and that's not fair to you. Hey, my darling, I believe in you, I believe in your dreams, I believe in your happiness and I'm cheering you on and I hope that this podcast episodes keep supporting you on that journey of just being happier, even on this path, this adventure of getting from where you are right now to who you feel called to be, where you feel called to be, whatever that looks like. Hey, until next time. With all of my heart, I'm Arukuung.