Ep.#32 My #3 Thief of Happiness: The Struggle with Expectations

Ever expected a certain reaction from someone and felt disappointed when it didn't happen? That's what we're delving into on this episode of The Amaru Podcast.

This episode is a deep-dive into the dynamics of how expectations from others can impact our emotional state and often lead to unhappiness.

 Opening up about my vulnerabilities, I discuss my experiences of feeling let down and even sad when things didn't play out as I had envisioned. But here's the catch: we can't control how others act, feel, or respond. I am still learning to let go of expectations, to be more open-minded, and most importantly, to understand that my happiness should not hinge on them. Join me in this episode as I explore the emotional landscape of expectations and how by reassessing their role, we can reclaim our happiness.

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Transcript

Amaru 0:05

My name is A M A to the R ? U . A Welcome to the Amaru Podcast . A Welcome back to this beautiful podcast . My name is Amaru Kung and I am the host of this podcast .

Amaru 0:22

And you know what ? Today I want to continue the conversation on Thieves of our Happiness with what comes up as number 3 on my list , and this one shows up a lot in my relationships . I think my husband would testify to this one . So one thing that time and time again steals me like robs me of my happiness and steals joy from my life , is setting expectations around how other people should act , behave or respond to things . I don't know if you've experienced this before .

Amaru 1:13

So you get somebody a gift and you have this movie in your mind about how they're going to open it . They're going to scream or they're going to have a certain reaction . Then they're going to look at you a certain way , they're going to say certain words to you . Their mood is going to be instantly lifted up , they're going to jump , they're going to hug you , they're going to kiss you , they're going to be so grateful for you in their lives , or they're going to say something , or maybe this one rings more of a bell . So it's a very special day in your life , maybe even your birthday , and you expect somebody in your life or certain people in your life to do something specific . So you're expecting a gift , you're expecting a party , you're expecting a special celebration that goes a specific type of way , insert whatever expectations you have , and so that's kind of like the image you've built up in your mind , right , the day comes and the response you get is different . Said person , said friend , said family member , does something completely different and all of a sudden you can feel it . You feel that just that wave of disappointment Need I say even sadness that just starts to come over you because an expectation that you set was not met . Oh , I cannot tell you how many times I've experienced I still experienced this and how I'm really really trying to like learn to not set expectations specifically around things that are beyond my control , especially when these expectations are so important to me and when I place these expectations at a place where , like , they can control how I feel or not I've had this . I'm honestly like we get into certain arguments sometimes and I can hear my husband say I see you already , like you had an expectation of how this should go right . And you know what ? Yes , I did , and that's exactly and precisely why I am suddenly disappointed , because the movie in my mind ends differently .

Amaru 3:48

In the scripts that I've very , very , very carefully crafted , at this point something else is supposed to happen , not whatever . This is that's happening right now , and so I don't know if this is a creative thing , I don't know if it's just creatives who are like this , but you know , I typically have ideas . I tend to have a sense of what I want , how I want it to play out , and then really desire to control the outcome and have things go a certain way often and I'm finding time and time again , especially in my relationships , that this is one cause of just unhappiness , like whenever I hold on so tight to my personal expectations and the scripts that I have now created in my mind of how I expect something to unfold . That's typically when I just am unable to really enjoy the moment as much as I would have enjoyed it if I had just been a little more open-minded to how it might play out . And so , yeah , that's it for today .

Amaru 5:02

I just really , really wanted to share this one because I'm so guilty of it . It's something I'm still figuring out . It's something I'm still navigating and finding my way around , especially in relationships , especially in my most precious relationships . I'm learning and finding and finding that for me to just enjoy it more , even with my sunshine , even with my baby boy , I'm really , really trying to be more conscious about not having expectations around how he's gonna act when he wakes up . You know , when I have this , just I mean , oh my goodness , I could just talk of so many examples of this .

Amaru 5:44

But one thing I'm learning , needless to say , we really cannot control how other people act , how they feel , how they respond , and so the sooner we just take away that responsibility from ourselves , like to control the way other people will respond or act , the sooner we let go of expectations and let go of especially the role that those expectations play , like if it's super important , like if my day's only gonna be great , if insert expectation of another person , you know , then of course that's just placing my happiness in very , very , very , very shaky hands .

Amaru 6:32

And so learn a lesson Don't be like me on the days when I do this and don't set expectations on other people and especially , make those expectations paramount and important to whether or not you're gonna have a good day , or gonna be happy , because most likely you know it's gonna pan out differently , and yeah , then maybe that will leave you feeling unhappy and that's not fair to you . Hey , my darling , I believe in you , I believe in your dreams , I believe in your happiness and I'm cheering you on and I hope that this podcast episodes keep supporting you on that journey of just being happier , even on this path , this adventure of getting from where you are right now to who you feel called to be , where you feel called to be , whatever that looks like . Hey , until next time . With all of my heart , I'm Arukuung .